I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize