She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
