Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
