So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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