a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My bed smells like the plague
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
