Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
