I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
