bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
