dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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