So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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