Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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