you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
