if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize