the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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