so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
