I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize