But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You were trust falling into bushes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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