Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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