he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
