I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
