Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
