Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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