That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I need help removing her.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want her autograph on my taint
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
