OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
