Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
