Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
