I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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