Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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