she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
