We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
