Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
