Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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