we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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