Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Success! We fucked roommates!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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