is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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