So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
