Are we in a gay sports bar?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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