I wanna bring you to show and tell
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
