is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my liver is dry heaving
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
