does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
