Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
