i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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