If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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