:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
