My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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