I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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