She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
