Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
