This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
