The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
