did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
