since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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