I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
