If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
