i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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