Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
