i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
