you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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