bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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