i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
