I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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