I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
