CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
someone owes me an orgasm
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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