I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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