Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is Oprah even human
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
