I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
high people should be assigned attendants
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
